About two years ago I started running, and I haven’t looked back.

Well, I have, during a few injuries and months off..I discovered other ways to move my body.  But nothing challenges me and stirs a primal connection to earth and my heart beat as running does.  About 6 months ago I decided to test out my injured foot and start training for my second half-marathon.  Months of waking up at ungodly hours and training runs later, I completed 13 miles by myself one saturday morning in March.

Shortly after John and I left for a wonderful anniversary trip to Paris and Nice.  I stuffed myself with Fromage, Wine, Happiness, and a few hapless attempts at speaking french.  When I came back, I ran the Hollywood Half Marathon in April.

Passing that finish line was amazing, especially when someone took this AWESOME photo of me:

Not. Attractive.

What was really my favorite moment was hearing a voice call out “Go MAR!” and locking eyes with John, his smile, his eyes, his pride.  His support.  It made it for me, it filled my heart to the brim.  Having family and friends at the end of a race cheering you on is what MAKES the race.  And being there, for John, at the end of the LA Marathon in March, watching him break his personal record, was breathtaking.  A shared moment of love and support.

To think of what happened at the finish line in Boston breaks my heart.  It shakes me very deeply.

But, we keep on running.  We keep on cheering.  We put one foot in front of the other, and even if it starts at a slow crawl on our hands and knees, we stand up and keep running.  I’m doing it again in another half-marathon in July.  For myself, for people I love and care about, and for all of our healing.

Here’s to running, and here’s to moving forward.  Love and Peace.

M

For those who don’t know reading this, I was a child actress and a recurring character on Star Trek Voyager from the time I was about 10 years old to 12 years old.  (Don’t quote me on that, that’s an approximation.)  I played a kid Borg.  A borg kid.  A borgy worgy. A cutie wootie.  A “I may look tiny and unassuming with large ears but I will assimilate you up mister….” kinda girl..

I will haunt you in your dreams.....with my CUTENESS!!!! By the way that costume was a BITCH to take off. But totally worth it. (Especially when I could scare the shit out of the Paramount Lot Tour Groups. Oh the times we had..)

My experience being on on STV is in the “Best Time of My Life” Category.  Next to, graduating college, meeting my significant other, discovering I was adopted, completing a half marathon and going to NYC On an Off-Broadway Show.  It’s up there.  (Wow my life’s awesome).  One of the blessings I’ve received from being on that show, aside from being able to play a nine year old Borg Child who can kick ass and assimilate a grown man with the blink of an eye and the cock of a head, is receiving fan mail.

Letter writing is becoming a lost art.  Having the chance to open one is few and far between.  It feels like a lost ritual that catapults me right back to that magical feeling one only feels as a child.  There is a magical joy in the simple act of feeling your hands against the paper, and reading the ink.

Opening a fan letter is something that fills me up with a sort of warmth.  It starts at my toes and ends in my stomach. it’s..a fizzy bubbly warmth. It’s also an adventure.  I study the handwriting, which has a wonderful revealing character to it.  Is it scribbly? Is it perfectly within the lines? Is it typed?  I look at the address.  Sometimes somewhere in the states, Alabama, Illinois..New York, etc.  Cool!  Sometimes all the way from New Zealand, Germany, England! Super Cool!  People even include their own artistic creations of photographs, book cards, or book marks that they want me to sign.  Gosh, this is so cool.  I GET to read these! (Oh, and thank goodness for their included addressed and stamped envelopes.  Considerate to boot!)

I wrote this post on a whim, didn’t plan it. Tonight I sat down on my couch after a rough day of work, (You know, those days where your self esteem has been pummeled to a dusty spec due to your own self perpetuating negative thinking) and I went through a couple letters, one from a fan in Alabama and one from a fan in New Zealand. Two lovely, delicate letters.  Just felt that I had to express my gratutide to the people that take the time to write me.  I’m sorry it usually takes me so long to get back to you, but know that I appreciate you, and am very flattered and honored by your kind words.

NOW, that being said:

Resistance is Futile.

-MM

Happy New Year!

I had a fantastic New Years with my family and John skiing in Lake Tahoe.  I know, I have such a hard life right?

John and me skiing in Lake Tahoe New Years Eve

As the new year opens, I have to admit I myself have not made any resolutions, nor given them any thought.  I am pretty happy with where my life is at the moment, and the only resolutions I could make (being healthy, exercising)  are ones that I work on every day.  Plus “resolutions” tend to leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth after January.  I think I’ll just choose to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Speaking of which, I’ve taken up running again, and my foot injuries are no where to be seen.  Keeping the fingers crossed. As John embarks on his second marathon (March 17) I am training for a half marathon.  I hope next year to complete the LA Marathon.

In terms of acting, I have to admit, things have slowed down.  But I’m not too upset about this, as it is my own choice at the moment.  I am going through a life change and perhaps adding a new career to my life, which as time unfolds, I will be more comfortable sharing.  I do however plan to continue pursuing acting in whatever capacity possible, as being an artist is incredibly important to my sanity. Hey, for example, I just did a great reading of a unpublished play at Pacific Resident Theatre called “Island of Brilliance” with fellow PRT cast members, one of them the wonderful Orson Bean.

Pacific Resident Theatre's reading of "Island of Brilliance"

I had the wonderful opportunity to play a “idiot savant” (though I’m not quite sure if that term is PC).  It was a riveting part to read.  My character loves birds and is able to recite the entire Shakespeare Cannon from memory.  She is a character full of joy and simplicity, always an amazing world to delve into.

I will be doing another reading next month, as part of a Theater Appreciation course at PRT offered for free for Senior Citizens.  I’ve found that I really enjoy it.

I am at one of the most content and happiest places in my life at the moment..I am  grateful for all that is happening around me and for the beautiful people I have encountered on my journey. For the first time in a while I feel like I know where I’m going..  I know, this is sounding like something out of a self improvement magazine.  But it’s just true.

Stay Tuned,

Mar

Hi all.

What a crazy week huh? Our country is dealing with a major natural disaster and an upcoming election.  My thoughts are with all my friends and fellow Americans on the east coast..group hug:

Seems like we all need a hug this week..

On a total different note, I thought I’d stop procrastinating and post the clips from the shoot I did over the summer.  Yes, it’s been that long since I posted here.  Why, do you ask?

Well, life sort of got busy.  For numerous, great reasons.  One reason is I started working full time at my father’s law office.  Yes! A full time job..and my boss is my pops and I work with my family all day.  A blessing and a curse, but mostly a blessing.  Also, I’m working on another life changing project that I won’t share with you quite yet..but don’t worry..I will divulge soon.

So, here are some of the videos we worked on.  It was a blast, and I hope to make more.. perhaps write my own short soon.  It’s good to have friends who are artists and collaborators!

Check them out below:

I missed you

Strawberries

Sibling Rivalry 

So, I’m freaking out a bit.

This is me freaking out right now. Yup.

And I’ll tell you why.  I’m onto week 4 of The Artist’s Way and enjoying it alot. Basking in self-nurturing. At least until the task I have to undertake this week.  Which is total READING DEPRIVATION.  Which means, in a nutshell, no reading. No reading novels..books..of any kind. For SEVEN DAYS.  Which for me is taking away a past time I hold most dear.  I mean, I worked in a bookstore for goodness sakes, and now I can’t read? For a week? What am I supposed to do?

Well, NOT read the fifth book of this, which I was avidly excited to start this week..Jon Snow will have to wait..in my dreams.

Well, that’s sort of the point.  I should probably fill in the time that I would read someone else’s work by creating my own.  So I’ve started by writing about it here, in my blog post.  This also means that I should probably attempt at writing my own work more frequently, which was part of the reason I started this Artist’s Way journey thing in the first place. So I started that too, last night.  With a writing partner.  We wrote a scene.  That every two seconds I judged most harshly and wanted to erase, not because it was “bad” persay (ok yeah, probably because of that) but because the idea of me putting anything from my creative-self into tangible words made me scared and vulnerable.  But I wrote it anyway, we ploughed through.

And are filming it this weekend.

GULP.

Yup, that’s right, I decided to stop waiting around for a student film, or a booking, and thought “well gosh darnit, I have power and capability, I’ll put something of my own on film.”  So this weekend a film crew will be in my house for approximately eight hours and me and one of my dearest friends will be acting together.  We will be playing, doing what we love best, and alot of it will be from written words that I created.

I’m actually really excited about this as well as totally terrified.  It feels lovely to get off the butt and quit the whining of “I’m not doing anything, or booking anything” and creating it myself.  It’s empowering.  Oh, also, I started painting.  I’ve discovered I’m not half bad at it, perhaps just a quarter bad (no, I do not have the guts to put it up on this blog, not quite yet.)

So anyway, stay tuned for some video posts of our work from this weekend.  I have to say life has a new tint of fun to it.  You would be surprised how much fun you can have from creating your own work, whether it be a small painting, a poem, or a novel.

It reminds me when I was at BADA in college studying at Oxford, and Jeremy Irons was our guest teacher.  He said quite a few things, but one thing that stuck out was that artists have to “stir the shit”.  When’s the last time you created something of your own? Took ownership and stepped into action? Stirred the shit?  It doesn’t have to be some masterpiece.  Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  One small step at a time can lead to huge leaps and bounds.  And make sure to get some joy out of it.  That’s the whole point right?  What was something you did when you were a kid that you haven’t done since? Remember how brave we were as kids at creating? That never goes away, it may hibernate when we become an adult.  I’m going to stop trying to be the next Hemingway and be Marley, and give myself a break and open my heart to prosperity a bit more.  Join me.

And on that note, a great article here from the lovely casting director/actor supporter Bonnie Gillespie on beating the summer time blues for actors (you know, that slow time for some of us where we get into a funk).  She’s a great gal to read (which I won’t be doing for a week)! Check it out.

Next week, my travels to Canada and attempt of gaining dual citizenship, also, whether or not I’ve eaten my fist from reading deprivation.

“Success or Failure, the truth of a life really has little to do with its quality.  The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight.  The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.”  -Julia Cameron, The Artists Way

Photo by my mother. She has a remarkable skill of paying close attention to things and finding their beauty. I hope I can pass that on to my children someday.

This weekend I spent my 25th birthday in perhaps one of the greatest, if not the greatest city I’ve visited: New Orleans.

Nola, Nawlins, The Big Easy, whatever you prefer to call it, I fell in love with it.  And what a wonderful place to celebrate another year of life completed.  I have been somewhat dreading, somewhat looking forward to my quarter of the century mark.  I can’t quite come to the conclusion if I’m happy to turn 25.  It sounds sort of ludicrous reading that on the page, “am I happy” because of course I should be happy, I’ve lived another glorious year! However I’ve come to realize how much pressure I’ve internally put on myself about reaching this age.  As an adolescent I viewed 25 as the age of “becoming an adult.”  At this point, in my teenage brain, I should’ve be married, have tons of babies (well not tons, more like..one) be running my own business etc.  My expectations are far from met, but my expectations weren’t really realistic in the first place.  Who knows where we will be in the future, and not only that, who knows how our views have changed by the time we reach a certain age.

But anyway, this post was more supposed to be about how amazing my time in New Orleans was..not my constant neurosis. The Big Easy has a magical quality to it once you cross its threshold.  Perhaps it’s the humidity in the air, the slighty weird smells, or the old houses and buildings that reek history (or mold..)..or the incredible hospitiality that you approach around every corner (or the road rage if you are in a car) ..or perhaps it’s the live music that wafts on a warm Lousiana breeze..I could go on and on.  Also, I don’t know how anyone could maintain a thin figure in a town that makes some of the most delicious, heavest, anti-vegetarian food I’ve ever experienced.  All I know is my stomache is still trying to recover from all the beignets at Cafe Du Monde and oysters at the Royal Oyster House on Royal Street.

I’m back from New Orleans now and regular life has returned.  On my 25th birthday I did alot of soul searching regarding if I’m happy about where I am in life at the moment. (Some of these reflections occured on a airboat in the Louisiana Bayou funnily enough.)  I wouldn’t say I’m necesarilly unhappy.  I would call it more a feeling of not being totally complete.  I’m still yearning for my dream career to take off..and the scary truth is it is up to me, and only me to make that career happen.  It’s easy to get distracted by your day job and meaningless trivial problems.  It’s very easy to pay close attention to the negative, self-defeating thoughts..but being in New Orleans brought a happiness back to me that I haven’t felt in a long minute.  It returned a hunger for life that I felt so often when in school.  Joie de vivre is what they like to call it.. and it’s contagious in New Orleans.  Gorging yourself on good food and amazing music will do that.  I’m hoping my visit to the Big Easy was the perfect kick in the pants that I need to enjoy life a little more.  I’m hoping that joy will propel me towards action that is not fear based.  Kind of like this wild alligator named Woodrow I met in the Bayou.   Doesn’t he look like he’s pursuing me (aka “lunch”) without fear?