I am going to Law School.

In two weeks.  There.  I said it.  Whew.

I am reminded of the relief of how Dexter felt when he admitted aloud to one of his victims that he is a serial killer..not that being a lawyer equates being a serial killer…at least to me.  Others most likely disagree.

Or I am reminded of how one feels when they come out of the closet..or at least how I perceive that would feel like.  The reason I haven’t really “come out” on this blog saying it is because..saying it on this blog is saying it as publicly as I can imagine.  That I am going to Law School.  That I will be a lawyer some day.  Why is this hard? Because my identity since I was 6 years old is “actor”.  I worked professionally from 6-17, went to UCLA for it (BA in Theater)..did it for the past four years.  But the truth is, Lawyer has been the other “what if” for my whole life.  And I saw it as negative, because my father is a lawyer.  Not that I equate negativity to my father whatsoever, but I felt like if I became a lawyer I was just doing what he wanted, which for a time that was true.   But now, at 26 years old, and with some life experience behind me and a year in a law office witnessing what Dad does..I realize it’s someting that I want.

Also, I realized that becoming a lawyer does not change the actor part.  I can always be an actor.  That was something I had to come to terms with.  That going to school for 3 years, and passing the BAR and being a lawyer will not destroy my artist.  I won’t loose anything.  I have everything to gain.  It’s about choices, and I choose to be both, in my own ways, on my own terms.

So I approach a transition.  I am going to Pepperdine School of Law.  I got into my top choice Law School.

I bought this shirt and took this picture after my first deposit. Because it's not official until you throw down money and by the shirt!

 I will be a Pepperdine “Wave”, perhaps the lamest and cutest mascot ever…and as Pops always says..I will continue to catch those big “waves” in life as they come, and let other small waves go.  You can’t ride them all at the same time.  And that’s ok.  When the acting wave comes again, as it will, because I  choose that it will, I will ride it with more gusto and love of life than I ever have before.

Hang Loose Man.

MM

Running is a Heartbeat

About two years ago I started running, and I haven’t looked back.

Well, I have, during a few injuries and months off..I discovered other ways to move my body.  But nothing challenges me and stirs a primal connection to earth and my heart beat as running does.  About 6 months ago I decided to test out my injured foot and start training for my second half-marathon.  Months of waking up at ungodly hours and training runs later, I completed 13 miles by myself one saturday morning in March.

Shortly after John and I left for a wonderful anniversary trip to Paris and Nice.  I stuffed myself with Fromage, Wine, Happiness, and a few hapless attempts at speaking french.  When I came back, I ran the Hollywood Half Marathon in April.

Passing that finish line was amazing, especially when someone took this AWESOME photo of me:


Not. Attractive.

What was really my favorite moment was hearing a voice call out “Go MAR!” and locking eyes with John, his smile, his eyes, his pride.  His support.  It made it for me, it filled my heart to the brim.  Having family and friends at the end of a race cheering you on is what MAKES the race.  And being there, for John, at the end of the LA Marathon in March, watching him break his personal record, was breathtaking.  A shared moment of love and support.

To think of what happened at the finish line in Boston breaks my heart.  It shakes me very deeply.

But, we keep on running.  We keep on cheering.  We put one foot in front of the other, and even if it starts at a slow crawl on our hands and knees, we stand up and keep running.  I’m doing it again in another half-marathon in July.  For myself, for people I love and care about, and for all of our healing.

Here’s to running, and here’s to moving forward.  Love and Peace.

M

I get Fan Mail.

For those who don’t know reading this, I was a child actress and a recurring character on Star Trek Voyager from the time I was about 10 years old to 12 years old.  (Don’t quote me on that, that’s an approximation.)  I played a kid Borg.  A borg kid.  A borgy worgy. A cutie wootie.  A “I may look tiny and unassuming with large ears but I will assimilate you up mister….” kinda girl..

I will haunt you in your dreams.....with my CUTENESS!!!! By the way that costume was a BITCH to take off. But totally worth it. (Especially when I could scare the shit out of the Paramount Lot Tour Groups. Oh the times we had..)

 

My experience being on on STV is in the “Best Time of My Life” Category.  Next to, graduating college, meeting my significant other, discovering I was adopted, completing a half marathon and going to NYC On an Off-Broadway Show.  It’s up there.  (Wow my life’s awesome).  One of the blessings I’ve received from being on that show, aside from being able to play a nine year old Borg Child who can kick ass and assimilate a grown man with the blink of an eye and the cock of a head, is receiving fan mail.

Letter writing is becoming a lost art.  Having the chance to open one is few and far between.  It feels like a lost ritual that catapults me right back to that magical feeling one only feels as a child.  There is a magical joy in the simple act of feeling your hands against the paper, and reading the ink.

Opening a fan letter is something that fills me up with a sort of warmth.  It starts at my toes and ends in my stomach. it’s..a fizzy bubbly warmth. It’s also an adventure.  I study the handwriting, which has a wonderful revealing character to it.  Is it scribbly? Is it perfectly within the lines? Is it typed?  I look at the address.  Sometimes somewhere in the states, Alabama, Illinois..New York, etc.  Cool!  Sometimes all the way from New Zealand, Germany, England! Super Cool!  People even include their own artistic creations of photographs, book cards, or book marks that they want me to sign.  Gosh, this is so cool.  I GET to read these! (Oh, and thank goodness for their included addressed and stamped envelopes.  Considerate to boot!)

I wrote this post on a whim, didn’t plan it. Tonight I sat down on my couch after a rough day of work, (You know, those days where your self esteem has been pummeled to a dusty spec due to your own self perpetuating negative thinking) and I went through a couple letters, one from a fan in Alabama and one from a fan in New Zealand. Two lovely, delicate letters.  Just felt that I had to express my gratutide to the people that take the time to write me.  I’m sorry it usually takes me so long to get back to you, but know that I appreciate you, and am very flattered and honored by your kind words.

NOW, that being said:

Resistance is Futile.

-MM

Just Simple Gratitude.

Happy New Year!

I had a fantastic New Years with my family and John skiing in Lake Tahoe.  I know, I have such a hard life right?

John and me skiing in Lake Tahoe New Years Eve

As the new year opens, I have to admit I myself have not made any resolutions, nor given them any thought.  I am pretty happy with where my life is at the moment, and the only resolutions I could make (being healthy, exercising)  are ones that I work on every day.  Plus “resolutions” tend to leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth after January.  I think I’ll just choose to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Speaking of which, I’ve taken up running again, and my foot injuries are no where to be seen.  Keeping the fingers crossed. As John embarks on his second marathon (March 17) I am training for a half marathon.  I hope next year to complete the LA Marathon.

In terms of acting, I have to admit, things have slowed down.  But I’m not too upset about this, as it is my own choice at the moment.  I am going through a life change and perhaps adding a new career to my life, which as time unfolds, I will be more comfortable sharing.  I do however plan to continue pursuing acting in whatever capacity possible, as being an artist is incredibly important to my sanity. Hey, for example, I just did a great reading of a unpublished play at Pacific Resident Theatre called “Island of Brilliance” with fellow PRT cast members, one of them the wonderful Orson Bean.

Pacific Resident Theatre's reading of "Island of Brilliance"

I had the wonderful opportunity to play a “idiot savant” (though I’m not quite sure if that term is PC).  It was a riveting part to read.  My character loves birds and is able to recite the entire Shakespeare Cannon from memory.  She is a character full of joy and simplicity, always an amazing world to delve into.

I will be doing another reading next month, as part of a Theater Appreciation course at PRT offered for free for Senior Citizens.  I’ve found that I really enjoy it.

I am at one of the most content and happiest places in my life at the moment..I am  grateful for all that is happening around me and for the beautiful people I have encountered on my journey. For the first time in a while I feel like I know where I’m going..  I know, this is sounding like something out of a self improvement magazine.  But it’s just true.

Stay Tuned,

Mar

Something New..

Hi all.

What a crazy week huh? Our country is dealing with a major natural disaster and an upcoming election.  My thoughts are with all my friends and fellow Americans on the east coast..group hug:

Seems like we all need a hug this week..

On a total different note, I thought I’d stop procrastinating and post the clips from the shoot I did over the summer.  Yes, it’s been that long since I posted here.  Why, do you ask?

Well, life sort of got busy.  For numerous, great reasons.  One reason is I started working full time at my father’s law office.  Yes! A full time job..and my boss is my pops and I work with my family all day.  A blessing and a curse, but mostly a blessing.  Also, I’m working on another life changing project that I won’t share with you quite yet..but don’t worry..I will divulge soon.

So, here are some of the videos we worked on.  It was a blast, and I hope to make more.. perhaps write my own short soon.  It’s good to have friends who are artists and collaborators!

Check them out below:

I missed you

Strawberries

Sibling Rivalry 

 

 

My Month of Firsts

Whew, I have been away for a bit.

This was a month of firsts: First met family members in Canada, new and first discoveries about my American Family (both beautiful and ridiculous), first time writing and filming my own work, and first time performing Improv.

I finished my UCB 101 improv class last month and have been editing my short scene that I co-wrote and filmed early July.  Then took a mind blowing trip to Canada where I was re-introduced to the madness that is my family..lets just say National Lampoons Family Vacation is pretty close to my personal memoir.

I was dreading my UCB 101 graduation class and after the graduation show I felt like a champion.  Probably the closest I could feel toward Olympic Glory as an actor (aside from winning a Academy Award.)  I say this because I can’t explain to you how scared and self defeating I was about this whole “be funny/creative/impulsive and create a story” thing.  Or in other words, doing improv.

The graduation show was fantastic.  I had so much fun. Everything that I had struggled and been practicing the past 8 weeks just suddenly clicked. Everything I had been taught worked.  The hard work I put in paid off. I was funny (I think..), I listened, I was working at the top of my intelligence, it was about my scene partner and the story, not how funny and witty I could be.  I felt like a true team player.  I felt like I belonged up there.

A shot from our show. I haven't given this expression a "name yet." Constipated? Burning? Ecstatic? Beats me.

And my scene partners were INCREDIBLE.  We all did it together, we grooved. Basically, it was a personal success.  And as soon as I can put aside the funds, I’m moving onto level 201.

Me doing the monologue for our set. The true story involved my mom's gynocological profession and her trying to teach me and my brother safe sex with condom earrings..yeah let your imagination run with that one..

Also, my friend Adam and Ava and a couple other fantastic crew members (by the name of Travis and Paul) and I had a blast one day filming all our scenes for our reels.  Just a group of artist types with the ability and way to make a story and put it on film.  I am in the process of editing it and am excited to show it here as a soon as possible.

Ahh, finished a 12 hour day filming. Nothing like pasta and wine with the best crew in existence on a summer evening

There is something very empowering about creating.  Creating your own work, whatever it is.  Life is movin’ and groovin’.  A new journey is in the making for me, more on that later..gotta keep you on the edge of your seats.  It may not be what everyone thinks, but life is full of surprises.

One thing is for sure, I HAVE to write in this blog more often.  See you next time, which I am making a promise to myself and you won’t be in three months.  But you know, sometimes we have to step away and conjure creation in our lives.  In any case, I know this will always be here.

Have a great sunday

Marz

 

 

Stir the Sh*t and Create Change

So, I’m freaking out a bit.

This is me freaking out right now. Yup.

And I’ll tell you why.  I’m onto week 4 of The Artist’s Way and enjoying it alot. Basking in self-nurturing. At least until the task I have to undertake this week.  Which is total READING DEPRIVATION.  Which means, in a nutshell, no reading. No reading novels..books..of any kind. For SEVEN DAYS.  Which for me is taking away a past time I hold most dear.  I mean, I worked in a bookstore for goodness sakes, and now I can’t read? For a week? What am I supposed to do?

Well, NOT read the fifth book of this, which I was avidly excited to start this week..Jon Snow will have to wait..in my dreams.

Well, that’s sort of the point.  I should probably fill in the time that I would read someone else’s work by creating my own.  So I’ve started by writing about it here, in my blog post.  This also means that I should probably attempt at writing my own work more frequently, which was part of the reason I started this Artist’s Way journey thing in the first place. So I started that too, last night.  With a writing partner.  We wrote a scene.  That every two seconds I judged most harshly and wanted to erase, not because it was “bad” persay (ok yeah, probably because of that) but because the idea of me putting anything from my creative-self into tangible words made me scared and vulnerable.  But I wrote it anyway, we ploughed through.

And are filming it this weekend.

GULP.

Yup, that’s right, I decided to stop waiting around for a student film, or a booking, and thought “well gosh darnit, I have power and capability, I’ll put something of my own on film.”  So this weekend a film crew will be in my house for approximately eight hours and me and one of my dearest friends will be acting together.  We will be playing, doing what we love best, and alot of it will be from written words that I created.

I’m actually really excited about this as well as totally terrified.  It feels lovely to get off the butt and quit the whining of “I’m not doing anything, or booking anything” and creating it myself.  It’s empowering.  Oh, also, I started painting.  I’ve discovered I’m not half bad at it, perhaps just a quarter bad (no, I do not have the guts to put it up on this blog, not quite yet.)

So anyway, stay tuned for some video posts of our work from this weekend.  I have to say life has a new tint of fun to it.  You would be surprised how much fun you can have from creating your own work, whether it be a small painting, a poem, or a novel.

It reminds me when I was at BADA in college studying at Oxford, and Jeremy Irons was our guest teacher.  He said quite a few things, but one thing that stuck out was that artists have to “stir the shit”.  When’s the last time you created something of your own? Took ownership and stepped into action? Stirred the shit?  It doesn’t have to be some masterpiece.  Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  One small step at a time can lead to huge leaps and bounds.  And make sure to get some joy out of it.  That’s the whole point right?  What was something you did when you were a kid that you haven’t done since? Remember how brave we were as kids at creating? That never goes away, it may hibernate when we become an adult.  I’m going to stop trying to be the next Hemingway and be Marley, and give myself a break and open my heart to prosperity a bit more.  Join me.

And on that note, a great article here from the lovely casting director/actor supporter Bonnie Gillespie on beating the summer time blues for actors (you know, that slow time for some of us where we get into a funk).  She’s a great gal to read (which I won’t be doing for a week)! Check it out.

Next week, my travels to Canada and attempt of gaining dual citizenship, also, whether or not I’ve eaten my fist from reading deprivation.

Paying Attention

“Success or Failure, the truth of a life really has little to do with its quality.  The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight.  The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.”  -Julia Cameron, The Artists Way

Photo by my mother. She has a remarkable skill of paying close attention to things and finding their beauty. I hope I can pass that on to my children someday.

Don’t mess with the Artist Child.

The other day I was standing in line to witness my first UCB show, reading “The Artists Way” and a gentleman asked me, referring to the book, “So, are you an artist?”

The question took me aback, and I looked behind me to see if he was talking to someone else.  Then I smiled, and answered proudly, “Yes, yes I am.  You?”

You see, I never really knew whether or not to answer this question with “yes”.  I’ve had a view of an artist as someone wearing a beret whilst painting, with a cigarette sticking out of her mouth, speaking french. Very cartoonist I know.  But after week one of the Artist Way and writing my morning pages, I’ve come to realize that yes, I am an artist.  I mean I’ve choosen to pursue a career in acting for pete’s sake.  Not as a hobby, but as a JOB.

Reading this book and participating in these morning pages has caused me to flashback constantly to when I was a child, and how I used to write FOR HOURS.  I would fill pages and pages up of sketches and poetry.  And may I say, it wasn’t too bad.  Look it wasn’t Pablo Neruda, but it wasn’t total crap.  And I’ve missed that.  It’s so easy when you become an “adult” or whatever the hell that is to squelch your artist child.  Yes, it sounds cheesy, and I thought it was too at first.  But try out the morning pages and read what Cameron has to say in the book and then you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

I would say that the Artist Way has opened a door to me getting in touch with my artist child and it’s been really peaceful.

This was in Lake Tahoe. I was with my family and went off on my own for a bit and found this quiet place.

It’s brought joy back to my free time.  It’s very awesome too that this new journey has also co-insided with starting UCB classes.  I’m in 101 and I’m having the time of my life.  I’m connecting with myself and other artists.  I HIGHLY recommend you take classes there, even if you aren’t an actor.  It’s good for EVERYONE.  Oh, and their shows are cheap and fabulous.  I had an amazing night there having my own artist date and laughing my tiny tushy off.

Anyway, I’m happy.  I also quit my lame day job, which is scary as heck, but it wasn’t serving me in any way, financially or logically.  So a new door is opening.  That being said anyone need a babysitter? Or a body guard? I can do a mean roundhouse.

Anyway, I’ve got a new open void ahead of me and I have only myself to trust.  Yikes. I mean c’mon would you trust this girl?

As a borg on Star Trek Voyager when I was a kid. If my inner artist child had a look, this would probably be it.

Channeling Your Inner “You”

As an actor one of the things I’m told all the time is to just “be yourself.”  This can get a little old after a while..especially if you are neurotic like me and plagued with insecurities like “Who Am I? What if ‘me’ isn’t good enough? Does my butt look weird in these skinny jeans? Can someone 4’10 actually pull off skinny jeans?” etc etc.

Well, that “just be yourself” statement hasn’t really clicked until recently.  The acting gods have smiled down on me lately and I’ve had the chance to audition a bit more than usual.  Nothing dusts off the rust like auditions, and I’ve found that not trusting your instincts can be a real pain in the ass.  I never thought I would, but I totally fell into the “trying to guess what they want game” in a few auditions, which is a total mind f**k and I wouldn’t reccomend it.  You cannot be a mind reader and it’s not your job to be one..really your job is to bring yourself to every audition.  Because you can’t be anyone else than YOU and when you try, you sorta end up looking like this:

No one likes to look constipated.

Try to remember the point is to have fun and release the need to please everyone.  Your job is to bring YOU, your uniqueness to the work.  Of course do your homework and research, but do the role how YOU would do it..fitting yourself into some box that you think “others” like  leads to self sabotage.  Ok I’ll try to follow my own advice now..

On the subject to channeling you “you”, I came across a great article written by a casting director and actor mentor named Bonnie Gillespie.  She talks alot about your “youness” in an audition room in an article here  and I highly reccomend you read it and follow her blog.  It’s full of great tid bits and advice on the actor’s journey from a casting director’s standpoint.  It helped me, and even if you aren’t an actor, we all have to do job interviews in our lives.  I think you’ll find channeing you essential “youness” will help you in the basic job interview as well.

I have no idea why I'm so excited in this picture, but I sure look happy. Perhaps this is what I'll feel when I embrace my inner "me"! Either that or I'm looking at something really really shiny..

That’s my acting bite for this week, happy auditioning and creative basking..in the meantime, I’m starting Julie Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” and will keep you posted on my thoughts..

Peace

Mar